No 5k for Sara/Ear Infarction/Run 4/Comments about my looks/Ankle Spankle

   One of the greatest parts of running: feeling healthy. One of the least great parts of running: getting sick and not feeling healthy. I think "frustrated" must have been the most annoying word to Alec during the week that I had an ear infection. I guess I should share what exactly happened, just so people can use it as a warning when they are obsessive like I am and trying to stay in shape.

  Basically, as I mentioned in the prior post, I had a sinus infection that invited it's way into my life on February 16th (I remember the day because it was the day that I signed up for the marathon, and I knew that night after leaving the meeting that I was getting sick). I was adamant about the fact that I would keep exercising and training through the infection and not let it disturb my life. It had been 2 years of health (aka no colds or respiratory problems) for me prior to this, and I felt very diminished by the fact that I got sick amidst my attempts to maintain a very healthy and sanitary lifestyle. So, I didn't give in.

  I read a plethera of blogs and runners columns online about when to exercise while sick, and they all said that I was relatively clear. The accepted rule in the runner world is that if it is a sickness that effects you only above the neck, you are ok to run. Below, stay home for 3 days. Let's just say that there is a footnote to this rule. I'm writing it right now. If you are planning a wedding, running your own business, training for a marathon, fundraising for a marathon, performing singing gigs, and having a small semblance of a relationship with your significant other and you are the kind of person that gets sick from getting over-tired...the best thing for you to do when you get sick is to REST! REST REST REST! I didn't do that, and I can still feel the end traces of the sinus infection.

  To end the story, I spent the week after the 5 mile run not being able to hear and taking antibiotics. Which, to my great disappointment, ended in my absense from the 5k race that took place that Saturday morning at BWI. It would have been my first time with the data chip to calculate my pace and time, and my first time meeting the other half of the Team Challenge people from Maryland. Again, the word "frustrated" comes into play.

  I ended up doing 3.1 miles that Monday, and yoga and 3.1 miles that Tuesday and that was it until the next Monday. That return was killer. I was still struggling with post nasal drip and some fluid in my chest that I was coughing up, so it felt like I was running with a 10lb weight on my chest. I started sweating immediately after beginning and must have lost 3lbs in water weight just from a 5k run. I also attempted to do some resistance training, but the minute that I bent over I got that ringing in my head feeling like I was going to pass out. So, I decided to be happy with just the run and figured that it would get easier with each day. By Wednesday, I was feeling relatively recovered, and with each day I am getting back my breath.

  At the end of that week, I decided that I was healthy enough to attempt the 6 mile run at the NCR trail. I was nervous, I must say, because I knew that Aunt Janet would be in Iowa and I would be all alone. The older I get, the more I realize just how shy I am beneath it all. Some who know me now would never guess that, but in my youth it was one of my predominant attributes. Anyway, I got up the nerve and met the group at the trail head at Paper Mill Rd. We were all a little chilly, and we did some warm ups that didn't involve much stretching but rather focused on getting joints loose. Lots of rotating shoulder/ankles/knees/hips. We also had a mini easter egg hunt with a prize of candy lol!

  We had a very basic course to run because the NCR trail is a straight line that begins in Baltimore and ends in Pennsylvania. So, we ran up three miles and back three miles. My run was interesting... I have found that I am in a pace that is all my own, because I am never near anyone on the training runs. Sometimes I wish that there was someone else in my area so I could have a chat, but I suppose that may hold me back if I want to pick it up on a hill or at the end. I really love the scenery at the NCR, and the fact that it has a lot of other people out running in the morning. But, I HATED the fact that the trail is tilted!!! I didn't realize just how much it was hurting me until I got to the 3 mile marker to turn around and felt a tweak in my left ankle. I'll try to paint a picture for you:
  It looks like a truck has driven down the middle of the track with the tires compressing each side and a hill in the middle. So, when you are running on the right side of the trail, your left ankle will be bending in on itself. If you ran on the right side of the trail, your right food would be compressed in. In the middle, both feet will be bending out.

 When I felt my ankle tweak, I did a few quick rotations of it and shook it out a little, but I didn't want to mess up my pace, so I just kept going. Mile 3-4 felt REALLY long because I was trying to get used to the feeling of having that annoyance. Also because there was this other team running on the trail that day and their signs kept throwing me off and making me feel closer to the next mile than I really way. By the time that I got to mile 4, my stomach was feeling pretty empty, so I did a Clif shot (love these!) to give me an extra boost. As I came in to the end of the run, I felt my ankle swelling a bit inside my shoe (my shoe felt tight), so I loosened the laces to be more comfortable. As soon as I got home, I iced that baby as much as I could. I would say that it is almost back to normal, but at the end of the day it still feels aggravated. I will not let it get me down!!!!!!!!!

  I wanted to make one last statement about my psychological battle with weight loss. I have had a few epiphanies over the past week that have really made a difference in how I view my past self vs. my present self.

  Over the course of my life, I think I have taken so many mean comments from people to heart without ever thinking about what I am doing to myself. I have always thought through them as personal attacks on me that I cannot do anything about. Even the back-handed compliments that many east coasters seem to master at a young age, have become something that I just accept. As of this past Sunday, I now realize that I have handled these comments in the least healthy way possible in my past. What has lead me to realize this is that I feel confident in who I am now, and I know that I do not deserve to be treated that way. The reason that I say that it was this past Sunday is because a lady (a very negative and snarky woman) at my church was talking to me about how great I look. She said "I can't believe it, you just look so great. You have lost so much weight! I KNEW THERE WAS A PRETTY GIRL UNDERNEATH ALL OF THAT."

  My former self would have taken this comment and said, "man I must have been really ugly before, and I should feel really bad about how I looked so that I never let myself look that ugly again," I will just accept that it's true and I won't talk to anyone about it   The person that I am now said "wow, that was a really crappy thing to say to someone, she must really feel badly about herself and have a very shallow view of beauty to make her say something like that." And then I talked to Alec about it, and I finally felt like I had overcome one of my biggest issues.

  Another thing that I've realized is that I will never ever tell anyone that they should lose weight. I won't say things to them about how they look out of shape, or about how exercise is something they should consider. The only reason to say something to someone about their weight is to serve yourself. If you do say something to someone about losing weight, you are trying to make yourself feel better by: a.) being the one who inspires them to get into shape, b.) guilting them into getting into shape because you think they need to look better for your own visual pleasure, or c.) depleting their self-confidence to the point where they depend on you for advice for everything. As a general statement, I would say that the majority of people who have emotional eating issues seek out people who will let them become dependant and rely on them for emotional support. If you do the third, you' re basically enabling the bad psychological behavior by redirecting it from food to their dependance on something else, which I GUARANTEE they will find.

 In short, don't pick on someone your own size, a bigger size, or a size 0, because they all have their own journey and their own personal struggles.

Up next: Balancing work/weddings/running/fundraising/relaxation: what gives? AND, 8 miles- piece of cake.

XO