Am I losing weight?/Running on ankles/Vibrams/8 miles..

  Am I losing weight right now? No. Am I beyond patience with that fact? Yes. At the beginning of the year, I was convinced that between joining weight watchers (I was doing it everyday then, but it's not as practical with marathon training), and signing up for the race that I would lose at least another 10-15 pounds before June. So far, I've only lost 6 (since Feb.) and I'm getting discouraged. I considered ending my subscription to weight watchers, but something is telling me to continue to try and see if it works. I know that I have had plateaus in the past that have lasted for a month, but this one seems to be going on FOREVER! Any advice out there? I have tried adjusting my diet, upping my weight lifting, lowering my weight lifting, upping my mph while running and more. There has got to be a way...

  Last night I told Alec that I feel like I am really boring to talk to lately. Everything that I say is within a limited range of topics: stress from-marathon training, my injuries and pain from training, wedding planning, and how I feel overwhelmed with everything right now. Sometimes I am so surprised that I actually keep going... I get to the end of the day and feel like my entire day was a daze of activities. The sad part is that even though I know that I am working very hard, I get so hard on myself for not doing more. For not being completely caught up in every area that I can, for not being perfect at everything that I do. I spend a lot of time living in the future and not allowing myself to enjoy the moment. I am constantly making lists in my head about things that I need to do when I get home and am so afraid that I will forget to do what is important, that I hardly ever live in the present.

 I have noticed that there are certain people in my life that allow me to feel content with right now when we are hanging out, and I've been trying to connect with them as much as I can lately. Perhaps this is the "reaching out to friends" that the bridal book I have been reading discusses. It says that a bride's friends are a reflection of the phases that she has been through in her life, and that many brides feel the need to reconnect with those past lives to complete the grieving process when she is nearing the wedding. I know that I have been experiencing the need to reach out to my friends, but I can't tell if it is because I am trying to reconnect with the past "single Sara" or if it is simply because I am really stressed and need relief. Either way, it has been nice feeling closer to people that I had grown apart from. Also, I think that some of the newer friends that I have made have been more of a reflection of the type of person that I am seeking to be. More forgiving of myself, and present in my day-to-day life, and most importantly less competitive!

  You might think running a marathon would tend to lead in the competitive direction, wouldn't you? Well, I do accept that it is technically a "race," and I believe that because I have now accepted it as competition that I have been able to face my issue head-on. With every race that I run, each day of the week, I am reminding myself almost constantly that I am running because I feel good when I have accomplished my goal. Or, that I am overcoming my weakness to compete against myself by accepting in the moment that I want to compete and instead of giving in, I am choosing to enjoy the scenery or feel the song that I am listening to within myself deeper than I could if my only concentration was to be the best. I think, therefore, that in that moment I am the best that I can be. As a weak individual, my greatest feat will always be to accept that I am weak and then find the power within myself to overcome it.

 Physical weaknesses have allowed me to keep my mind from being negative about the actual run by allowing me to concentrate on keeping my stride straight, not striking too hard and effecting the joints, and keeping my temperature at a comfortable level. It is amazing the amount of freedom that I feel in my mind when I have simpler focuses such as those, compared with the normal flow of everyday thinking. This makes me realize how I could benefit from adding more yoga and meditation into my life. Something that I've wanted to do for sometime now, but until recently have not allowed to take any importance.

  As for the injuries, they are coming along. My ankle seems to be on a roller coaster route to healing and I am dealing with it as much as I can. I am terrified that it is not going to heal in time for the big race, but I am sticking to what most people say about it eventually just working itself out. The hip seems to have gotten worse since the ankle flared up and I think that is due entirely to the fact that my gate is altered again. For now, I am going to keep going with the "stretch, ice, rest" method. Cross your fingers for me!

  A suggestion that I have now become obsessed with following through on after the race is over is getting some Vibrams Five Fingers. They are the greatest invention for trail and outdoor running  they support your ankles and joints like I need. That and a new or upgraded bike are my next physical fitness purchases. I've also considered doing a mini-triathlon training course because I love cycling/running/swimming so much! I figure, if I've made it to the marathon, I can do a MINI triathlon with enough training. We shall see how this marathon plays out and if it is something I feel able to improve upon.

  It certainly makes my 8 mile run yesterday seem wimpy. But then, so do a lot of crazy athletic accomplishments that people have made before. I do know that I felt very hardcore running in 40 degrees with a constant rain hitting me and completely soaking through all of my clothing. AND making puddles in the bottom of my shoes...that was yucky. My ankle hurt for the first 2 miles while it was still warming up, but it faded significantly by the 3rd mile. I should say that I had a bridal shower to go to so I was unable to attend the training run. Instead, I used the pedestrian option on google maps to map 4 miles from my house straight down Smith Ave.

 I had a few very challenging hills to tackle (not something I would've gotten at the NCR trail for training), and there were a few moment that I felt compelled to run faster...but I knew that if i didn't pace myself I would crap out much quicker. Esp. on hills. At 4 miles, I stopped for a few steps beyond my street marker to walk and take my Gu. The mile from 3-4 was entirely downhill and I knew that I was facing only extreme uphill on my way back, so I took a minute to make my gall bladder spasms go away with nourishment (I get spasms when my stomach's empty), to stretch my ankle, and to remove a headband that was getting warm for me. I figure since I kept walking beyond 4 and didn't immediately turn around, that I technically ran all 8 miles!

  Anyway, I made it all 8 miles running except for that small break and completed my time in about 100 minutes. Slower than my treadmill 8, but it included hills and navigating sidewalks/streets/crossings. When I got to the 6.5 mile marker, I upped my pace to about 6mph and ran it home. I keep telling myself that because I was able to do that on the last 1.5, that next week I will be able to make 9 miles. Something I've never been able to do in my life. The most I've ever run is 8.5, so I know this will be a huge week for me. Also, next weekend is wedding dress shopping for me. 2 big things happening in one weekend!! I'm going to try to blog some this week so I can do some short daily entries, but I know that every time I've set out to do that I haven't found the time. This is going to be an insanely busy week ending in a very exciting weekend.

  Also, one last note. I am wanted to say that I am just so honored and flattered that so many of you have been reading. I can't tell you how much your support means to me. There have been several times that I have completely welled up with emotion while running just thinking about all of you, and I want you to know that all of your kind words have meant the world to me. So thank you, and I hope to do you justice with some good future blogging.

XO

Next up: who knows....I'm living in the moment.